Aside

“Waiting here for Everyman-“

5 Aug

I didn’t feel sad. I didn’t feel upset, I didn’t feel…loved, I just didn’t feel. I got to a point where I felt…nothing. I existed. I didn’t see my friends, my every move was monitored. I just tried to exist without causing any problems.I didn’t make eye contact, or speak to people. I hated the sound of my own voice. I got through school , but can’t name any of my teachers or kids I went to school with , accept my longtime friends.I don’t recall the principals name. I did recall a conversation I had years before, with my friend Debbie. “If you kill yourself, you do go to hell, and hell is forever” so the twelve boxes of sleeping pills that I bought at the pharmacy, I just threw those in the trash can. I had parked my car at Washington Crossing State Park. With a fake I.D., I bought a bottle of Tequila sunrise to wash them down with, so I drank that anyway, smoked some cigarettes and listened to Jackson Browne sing “For Everyman”.

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