Aside

what the future holds?

6 Aug

I went to our local mall near Christmas time. The whole notion that it had to do with the birth of Christ was completely lost on me. Christmas was for children and it was about Santa Claus. I saw a family getting ready to get their picture with Santa. I sat on the bench watching the dad straighten a little tie he had on his son. He wore a red sweater vest to match his sisters red velvet Christmas dresses. The two girls both had long blonde hair ,brushed back with red bows holding the hair off their faces, while their long hair hung free in the back. It looked like silk. They had white stockings and black shiney shoes. I did it, I said I wouldn’t but I did it anyway, I had to talk to Him. “Dear God I bet they’re from one of your families aren’t they? Watching the mom and dad and their three kids laughing and having their picture taken, and you could just see the love. You don’t know me, but I used to try to talk to you a long time ago. I said I wouldn’t do it again. Well, I don’t know your rules or how it works but can’t you please let me in? I see this family and I know I can never get to be one of those little girls with clean combed hair, and a red velvet dress, with shiney shoes and love, love, love. But couldn’t I get to be the mom of a family with kids of my own, and a dad that won’t leave, and love, love, love? Please send me someone to love me. Please. Give me a chance to have a normal life. I just want to be happy. I just want to be loved. There must be someone for me, is there someone ?”

I got up from the bench, disappointed in myself, I broke my own promise to myself and tried to talk to God, which I said I wouldn’t do anymore. I walked around a little and slowed down to peer into a hair salon. It looked like they were having a fun time at work and I remembered how I used to love to play with my friends and sisters hair when I was younger. I wondered if I should think about going to beauty school, I was naturally great at styling hair. I decided to talk to my mom about it. What few friends I had, were all away at college. I never even took SAT’s, I never even knew about them. College wasn’t in my future, I struggled in basic classes, I had no confidence. But my hands, they could do anything. I enrolled in our local beauty academy and launched a new career.

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