I wonder if I was under a spiritual attack…

6 Aug

Looking back, I wonder if I was under a spiritual attack. I was around the most dark and godless people. I hardly saw my family or childhood friends. I was scared and felt trapped. I developed the abilty to shut down. I had long stopped crying out to God in times of sorrow or gratitude, in fact I didn’t feel gratitude for the things I use to in the past. I thought that I had figured out how it worked. There were families that “had God”, they were his and he loved them, all beautiful things were here for them, even though the rest of us could see it, it was a residual benefit, it was meant for those that were from God’s families. I noticed such a difference in those people , they had peace, and they were so unlike  the people that I was around my whole life. I didn’t feel connected at all to the people that were ” Gods”. I also felt it was very unfair to be left out, I would have loved to be included. I felt stupid for the times I tried to talk to him in my head. I’d been bothering him since I was little, and he didn’t even know who I was. I had a voice in my head that kept telling me about the one way out. I struggled with it daily. It wouldn’t shut up.  it was wearing me down.

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