Archive | October, 2012

O K, Lets Start

16 Oct

I arrived early,and rang the doorbell to the rectory. ” Good Morning Father. How are you today?” He smiled. and gestured”please come in”. I said” Thank you, you are too kind”. He said OK, Lets Start! “Oh good, I have so much to ask you. I’ve been reading about Abraham moving to  Canaan. He was so worried because the Canaanites sacrificed their first-born to a God they believed was responsible for goods crops, strong herds and blessings on their families. Abraham worried if he would be expected to sacrifice Isaac who he waited so long for and loved.Was God testing him to see if he was obedient? When he was willing to do as God asked , God stopped him, and supplied a ram for the sacrifice. “This showed him that he does not want human sacrifice”, Father Carey said.”Believing and trusting in Him is what brings them abundant blessings.”

“Isaac married Rebekah , and they had two sons. It is from Abrahams family that Jesus , the redeemer , would come, as the savior of the world.”

“That’s what I just don’t get”, I said. “How is it that God , obviously did not want to see human sacrifice, but sent his son to be our human sacrifice”?

Father asked me a question, “how can people make up for their sin? What could they possibly do to redeem themselves to God. They are not equal to God, anything they did would be lesser than.”

“So”, I said,” He was the apology? He was the sacrifice that was acceptable to God, because…..He is God?” Sometimes Father Carey just stared at me, with no indication if I was on the right track or the wrong one, this was one of those times. I never knew , was I right about that or wrong. But at this point the only thing that I was sure of was ,that man on the cross was more than a man, he was God, God the Son, the second person in the Blessed Trinity, and he came to save the world.

 

 

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Lamb of God

16 Oct

I attended mass every Sunday. Little by little it became more and more familar, and slowly made more sense. There was so much to know.I am embarrassed to reveal just how senseless, classless actually, I was back in the eighties.My only excuse is that I was literally raised in a Woody Allen Movie. So , when Father Carey looked on me with disappointment, because I wore a mini dress to mass, low cut, tight, I just didn’t get it. He had to actually explain, whats appropriate, and whats not. I had no respect, and no common sense. When he made me aware, to have modesty, it was something I didn’t think about. Ofcourse, once I thought about it, I made sure that I was covered up in church, and not wearing anything too low cut or too short. Isn’t it amazing that I needed to be told? By a priest, no less! He also didn’t care for my “Hey, how ya doin?” after mass ,   “see ya Wednesday , k?”  He would say to me,” Good morning Father, how are you this morning? I’ll look forward to seeing you on Wednesday”. It was like My Fair Lady, I was his Liza Dolittle. But I really couldn’t wait to talk to him on Wednesday because when he held up the Eucharist and said” This is the Lamb of God, that takes away the sins of the world, blessed are those who are called to the supper of the Lamb.” it reminded me of the old testament, the atonement, the jews got an unblemished ( perfect) lamb, male. Not a bone could be broken. ? Consistant with the old  covenant, they offered a sacrifice on the alter, laying their hands upon it, shedding its blood, transposed theirs sins upon the unblemished lamb, and offered it up to God for forgiveness of their sins. I needed to ask Father, when he calls Jesus the New Covenant and at the same time Lamb of God, who takes away sins, it’s the new covenant, gone with the old( no more animal sacrifice),in with the new, Jesus becomes that sacrifice, for us, is that right? Was that the old version of our common day confession? I was really afraid of the day I would have to tell him about all the things I had done wrong.  What would he think of me?

It wasn’t so very long ago

10 Oct

I bought a bible. I didn’t know how to find my way around in it. I brought it with me on Wednesday , to ask Father Carey to please show me. “Is it a catholic bible,? ” he asked. “Aren’t they all? ” I asked back in all sincerity. He told me for 1600 years they all were, Then there were those who protested against certain things, and broke off, and formed their own version of Christianity. I was glad to have gotten the original version. He explained that there were two parts, The Old Testament. The story of creation, Adam and Eve, Cain and Abel, Noahs Ark, The tower of Babel–I read those stories , I was up half the night, every night all week. I read about Rebekah and Isaac, and their sons Jacob and Esau. How God formed a covenant with Jacob, and changed his name to Israel, and how his sons become the twelve tribes of Israel, and were known as Israelites, and I never knew  any of this, it was fascinating. I learned about Moses and the ten commandments. I thought it was about time! So far, from the beginning, starting with Adam and Eve there was sneaking , lying, raping , killing, it must have been beyond disappointing. Even after the ten commandments , they couldn’t hold it together for long. I never expected to read stories like this in the Holy Bible, I couldn’t have been more shocked. Father Carey showed me how to skip around and look up certain passages or stories. Look for the name of the book, chapter and verse., such as Jeramiah 1:5( chapter one, verse five) Which I love. There were books of  law, wisdom, and prophets. There were poems and songs, and there were clues and mysteries. About Jesus, and  what would be happening, and how we would know him. That was the first part,the Old Testament. The new Testament was all about Jesus coming, what he taught us, and what the apostles  did and said after his ascension, and how they built our church. Father Carey took my bible and showed me something pretty cool. Here is listed the first Pope, Saint Peter, Jesus’ apostle, the “rock” on which he built the church. He gave him all authority, in his place, to continue his work here on earth. Then it listed the pope after him, and next, and , next all the way up to the current one Pope John Paul the second. So we can trace our church straight back to Christ who founded our church on Peter. All of a sudden, it didn’t seem that long ago. Really the world was kind of slow to change for centuries. It wasn’t until the industrial revolution, that the world had a flurry of  inventions that  changed our world for ever. I thought back to when there were no tv’s, phones, or cars. It wasn’t so very long ago.

Love

9 Oct

I always walked to the church, but it was the middle of the night, so I drove. I told Father to give me the hours hardest to fill, for Eucharistic Adoration. I think I was understanding it, and if I was correct, I was going to be alone with my Lord, Jesus Christ. I pulled that heavy church door open, blessed myself from the holy water font and slowly, taking it all in, started down the aisle. A lady got up to leave when I got there. There was a man in the back as well. I saw the golden monstrance gleaming on the alter, and inside the window of it was the Eucharist. I went up as close as I dared to go. Shaking. Actually trembling, I got down on both knees. I still didn’t know many prayers, just two, so I prayed Our Father, the Hail Mary. ” Jesus….? I want to thank you for working in my life. I am so in love, I have never been happier.I also want to thank You for Father Carey , who I know You have put in my life also. I am trying to find out as much as I can about You. For now I just want to be here with you, and remember how I always knew there was You. I looked at the monstrance and clasped my hands together.  I concentrated on it. Then I shut my eyes.  I wondered if You were happy that I came. While my head was bowed in all the reverence that I had in my being, I pictured this.-In my minds eye. My eight year old self broke free from me, like a child running into the arms of her father, there I ran right up onto the lap of Jesus, and curled right up to be held in his arms. I didn’t think of another thing, for two hours, I was in my fathers arms. Love.

The Word, Spoken over the bread and wine, Becomes the Bread and Wine

9 Oct

I went to mass every Sunday. I sat in the back. I didn’t know the prayers. I sat and stood and kneeled when everyone else did. I didn’t go up to communion because Father Carey had to teach me a lot , before I was ready for that. I had to make my sacrements, and that would be one of them.  Confession was another one. That made me nervous. I told him a lot already, but when I saw the ten commandments I realized I broke most of them. How was he going to feel about me then? Our church was having forty straight hours of adoration, and he asked me cover a couple of the hard to fill hours. I was happy to. Apparently the host was what looked like a sand dollar to me, that was the Eucharist. I was trying my hardest to understand as best that I could. Adam and Eve screwed everything up for us basically, instead of being grateful for everything God gave them, they wanted the one thing He told them they couldn’t have. The serpant, Satan( a jealous Angel that wanted to be God, had his ass kicked by Saint Michael the Arch Angel and he was cast down to earth, just looking to wreck everything God did. He tricked Eve, and she fell for it, Adam blamed her for everything. They hid when they heard God. She was sorry, the serpent beguiled her, and she told the truth about it, took accountabilty. That was all that God needed, he is forgiving. The problem was that now sin was in the world. We can’t go to heaven, we lost that. Satan smiles. But God said , he was going to send a redeemer, its the second person of the Blessed Trinty, the Son. The Word, and the Word was God, and the Word was with God, and the Word was made flesh and dwelt among us. Adam and Eve had two sons Cain and Abel. They offered a sacrifice to God. Abel took his finest animal to sacrifice and God accepted it, but Cain was angry that He did not accept his crops. Cain killed Abel because of his jealosy. People were doing so much wrong that God was fed up. He detroyed cities full of sin, even flooded the world, for a big do over.

Finally, He finds a worthy man, Abram and he forms a covenant with him. Changes his name to Abraham. His decendants are Gods chosen people.The redeemer is coming from this line of people. They used to sacrifice an unblemished, perfect lamb, to God in atonement for their sins. But when Jesus( second person in the trinity, God, the Word) came into the world he was the Lamb of God, with the plan to be sacrificed for the sins of the world. He was the redeemer God said He would send so we could go to Heaven. Jesus is present in the Eucharist . Jesus -The Word -spoken over the bread and wine , Become the Bread and wine. Will I spend a few hours in the presence of God? Are you kidding me?  Please give me all the time you can!

I had worth

8 Oct

I walked out of the rectory completely transformed. I had worth. There was so much I didn’t know , but I would spend my life learning it. But for today, I was incredible, I was worthy, I was royal, I was a princess. I can’t wait for the day that I get see my Father in heaven, just knowing I had one and that He loved me, that He made me, that I was His idea….I don’t have words. Nothing could describe the God Effect. I walked taller, shoulders back, big smile, “Good morning” I would say to a total stranger,  making direct eye contact.I stopped into a little shop on my way home. I wanted to buy a tiara, I really did, because that really amused me, the thought that I was a daughter of God. I picked out a rhinestone barrette, I knew what it meant. I wore it to work that night. My bangs were swept back, and there was my rhinestone barrette, reminding me of my royalty!

There was a girl at work, that hadn’t been very friendly or nice to me .  She really got on my nerves up until now, but I saw her in a different way. He made her too, He loved her too, she was also a daughter of the King. We were related in that way and even if she didn’t know it. I couldn’t unknow it, so I acted accordingly. She was loved by God, how would He feel if I decided not to like her. So, I changed my heart towards her, and saw alot of good in her, because it was there all along. I had to realize,I didn’t give her much to like about me. I was quiet , standoffish, uninteresting, self centered and insecure. But now, well now, I was different. I had worth.

The Daughter of the King

8 Oct

I couldn’t wait to ring the doorbell. I had two cups of coffee with me, one for me and one for Father Carey. He had a lot he wanted to tell me. Things he wanted me to know. I think he was thinking about all that I had told him, and realized I don’t even know the basics. So to start off, we went off the book. “You, are the daughter of the King, Our heavenly Father is your Father, you have the best Father in the world, You are precious to Him, and no one could love you more. Don’t ever forget, you are a child of God”

He asked me for my Baltimore Catechism, to test me on the things that I studied.When he opened it, some hair fell out of the pages. I was so embarressed. “What’s this?” he said. “It’s hair, from work, I’m so sorry. I bring it to work to study when I’m not busy, hair got in the pages” I said.

“You bring it to work? What do people say?”  he asked.” Well if they are catholic, they seem to recognize the book, and I tell them about you and how you are teaching me about God. If they aren’t catholic, I don’t think most people notice it, I just feel so behind, I want to learn so much. I really don’t care what anyone thinks about it, I need to learn everything I can.I want to know everything. I am already confused though. Can you tell me about the trinity?”

Father Carey said “Oh,starting with the easy Question, huh? There is only One God, but three Divine Persons. God the Father, the first person of the Blessed Trinity-( The one I always knew was there)

The Son is God and the second person of the Blessed Trinity also called The Word  (  Jesus? right?)

The Holy Spirit is God and the third Person of the Blessed Trinity( ” thats the one I know, He’s been with me all this time, I really believe that.Is that why there are three parts to one God, so that If someone doesn’t know about Jesus, or the Father, the Holy Spirit will be still be with them? We could have talked all day. Before I left he told me” remember, you are the daughter of the king” I walked out of there with my head held high, I walked just a little taller. I was somebody.I was loved more than I could ever know, by the King of heaven and earth. I thought, I guess that makes me a princess, I giggled to myself. I wondered if it would be over the top to buy myself a tiara, I crack myself up.