8 Oct

I was early. I had to figure out which door to ring. When a lady answered I thought I had the wrong place, but she worked at the rectory. There was a big sheep dog behind her. Father Carey invited me to sit down.

He wanted to know about me. What happened? If I was baptized how did it turn out that I never went to church? How could I know nothing at all?  Not know who Jesus was? I told him I heard the name, mostly used as a curse word. I told him about the divorce, the sold sign, the lighthouse, my sand dollar. I told him about Debbie and how she brought me to church, and Bob , who was there when I got back home, to tell me there was no God. And that I told him that there was, obviously.

I told him how he left us too. And we lost our house and my moms car and we moved into an apartment. There wasn’t room for me. It was a two bedroom and  my mom and three younger siblings  had to live there. I needed to get my own place. That’s how I wound up here, in New Hope. BecauseI liked the name, and because it was closer to where “J” lived. He wanted to know about “J”.  I told him that he was why I came here on Sunday, he was the answer to the prayer, he was Gods gift to me. He healed my soul, by loving me.  He seemed glad that I had somone. He then showed me the Baltimore Catechism.”This is for you”, he said. We will learn lessons , prayers, and all about the Catholic faith. He told me to open it up to page 9 , lesson one.” What does it say?” he asked. I said “it says Who made you?” He said”and what does it say?’

I said, “it says God made you”,(I could see the blurry print through tears) then he said “Why did God make you?” It says” to know Him, love Him, and serve Him in this life and have everlasting happiness in heaven. ( my voice cracking)

“Father Carey, I don’t know what else you want to tell me today, but this is so much, I wish I knew. I just wish I knew that. If I did know maybe I wouldn’t have felt so worthless, so disposable. That was something I wish I knew, God Made Me! I heard you say “He knew you before you were formed in your mothers womb”on Sunday, I never knew he knew me, who I was, and here I find out He knew me all along. ”

How could I possibly absorb more than this. I felt like hugging him for teaching me this, but I didn’t. He gave me homework and we would meet again next Wednesday. As my feet hit the sidewalk I said in my head” So…. you knew me all along. I guess You saw all that stuff I did wrong… and the things I did right too, You were with me those times I was scared. And You are with me now, right?  Thank you for Father Carey, he is going to teach me about You, But I guess You know that.

3 Responses to “Obviously”

  1. lazydisciple October 12, 2012 at 6:34 pm #

    You’re in new hope! I’m in chalfont! (my original blog was closet boob job)

    • lighthousecatholicgirl October 12, 2012 at 11:20 pm #

      love that name.so now you changed to lazy deciple? I’ll check it out.

      • lazydisciple October 20, 2012 at 6:12 pm #

        I’m a mess creating and erasing blogs do I’m just sticking to one blog on blog.com called “the Cathoholic” and I’m just slowly going through the catechism of the Catholic Church in one year. If you want, follow me but it might not be much fun

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