Archive | January, 2013

Just let Him in

28 Jan

Unless in the first waking moments of the day you learn to fling the door wide back and let God in, you will work on the wrong level all day; but swing the door wide open and pray to your Father in secret, and every public thing will be stamped with the presence of God.
– Oswald Chambers

And so, I took a sullen women back to my station. I asked her how I should cut her hair. She said it didn’t matter. “Ofcourse it matters, would you like to look at some pictures?”I said. She just shrugged. She said, “I was hoping to give myself a little lift, by getting a hair cut, but I don’t have the energy to care, just do what you want.”” Really?, ” I said.”What I want is to let you know this hair cut is going to be the start you need to turn yourself around, ok?” Lets go, get ready to feel good”. I brought her back to the shampoo bowl, and while I messaged her scalp I asked the Holy Spirit to stay with this one, don’t let go of her. I don’t know why she is in pain, but I know she is. I handled her with tender compassion, I made her hair beautiful, but mostly, I prayed. I didn’t want to pry, I didn’t know her.She was watching me in the mirror. She said” do you mind if I ask you something?” I said “sure, go ahead”.
She said, ” Are you a relgious person?” I was kind of stunned, but I said “Yes, I am, why do you ask?”
She said, “I feel like I can see God in you” Wow, that shocked me! “Um, He just shines through people, I’ve seen him in some people too, I know what you mean, but you surprise me to say you can see Him in me, no-one has ever given me a bigger compliment. He just got through to me recently, I think you see peace on my face, I feel at peace.” “I need that peace”, she said. “You’ll get it, just let Him in.”

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I feel like I have my sight back

24 Jan

I feel like I have my sight back. The same point of veiw that I had as a child. Only then it was blind faith, based on what I thought was obvious and logical. Now, I have an arsenal of information , my faith is valid. I feel like I uncovered a mystery.My heart knew, but I didn’t know there was a whole book at the time. The book confuses me. It’s more than a book. It’s a shame that by the time I was growing up that, there were’nt prayers in school. We didn’t learn the ten commandments, and no one could mention God. I want to know how God became unconstitutional.If things don’t change fast hardly anyone in the future will know Him. Less and less people are exposed, in less and less places. Father Carey didn’t seem too concerned. I tried to tell him there really are a lot of people that don’t know a thing about God. I grew up around them, I feel sad for them that they haven’t figured it out. More confusion, my friend Jodi was jewish, and believed in God but not Jesus.She only had the old testament and she said Jesus isn’t in her bible.I asked her who Isaiah 53 is about. And so I spread my confusion into her world.

I’ve always been honest with him up until now

21 Jan

I have always been honest with Father Carey up until now.I didn’t want to tell him that I only gave him half of the confession. The preist from Saint Andrews said I didn’t have to confess anything that I told him, it was all gone now. So I didn’t feel the need to bring it up. My next sacraments were confirmation and first holy communion. He asked me if I had thought about a confirmation name. I had. It was Elizabeth. He wondered why I chose Elizabeth. He liked the answer.When Mary came to visit Elizabeth,at the sound of her voice the child in her womb lept for joy. She knew God was there without being told, she just knew it. I knew it too.

I just didn’t have the heart

21 Jan

It was time for my first penance. I examined my conscience. I undersood that Father Carey was just going to be sitting in for Jesus, and I would essentially be wispering into the ear of God. With all the same power He gave to the original apostles, my sins would be able to be forgiven. But I was just sick over it. Over all this time we’ve spent together, I could tell Father Carey had really grown to like me. Now I had to dredge up 23 years worth of sins.I didn’t want to tell him. I didn’t want to disappoint him. I didn’t understand how this worked. He wouldn’t have held a grudge.So there we were face to face.” Bless me Father for I have sinned, this is my first confession. I guess I’ll start with younger years and go from there? He nodded. Although I left out the worst of what I’d done, it still took awhile to go through it all. He absolved me from my sins , but I knew it wasn’t any good. I didn’t tell him the whole truth. I went straight out of there and drove toward work early. I stopped at Saint Andrews Catholic Church. A preist was in the office that I walked into.The secretary asked if she could help me, I told her I needed to see a preist. He heard me, and asked “how can I help you?” I sobbed, “could you please hear my confession?” He took me into the church and showed me the confessional, I stayed behind the screen. ” Bless me Father for I have sinned it has been two hours since my last confession, let me explain…I told him everything. Everything, I just didn’t have the heart to say before. I was exhausted, emotionally drained. He absolved me of my sins and gave me a penance, I walked out of there in a state of grace. The feeling was incredible.

I was a throw away too

21 Jan

I think it was a gift to meet Joyce’s friend the other day. It helped to remind me not to get pulled back down, when I’m hurting about my father. You would think he wouldn’t even cross my mind because he’s not in my life, but that is precisely why he does.There are no words to express the pain that comes with that rejection.I guess if you could say it in words there would be no need for tears. I used to define myself by his rejection, I had no worth.I was a throw away too. Thanks to Father Carey, I found out the truth.I used to walk down this same street to the cafe everyday, avoiding eye contact, shoulders slumped.I would order coffee,by then they knew how I liked it, and I didn’t have to repeat myself because I spoke too low. Things have changed so much. Just this walk to the cafe. This is my street. This is my town. Good morning!

She was a throw away

20 Jan

My client Joyce referred a friend of her’s to me to come in for a haircut. Joyce knew me pretty well, we’d had many conversations about faith. She knew I was new to the game, and although she never got details, was aware I had a much different past.. Her friend was telling me about her fourteen year old daughter. She was having a really hard time with her. She was having sex with multiple boys, drinking , smoking pot, and generally wrecking their home life.These were faithful people. They were mortified.They got this girl out of the foster care system when she was10 , and eventually they were able to adopt her. She told me she now regretted that decision. She didn’t know how to handle her. She brought her to church services every Sunday and they lived a moral life. She couldn’t understand her behavior.I battled with myself. Should I say it, should I not? I had the feeling Joyce sent her for more than a haircut. So, I listened to my heart, where the Holy Spirit had taken up residence.I told her, ” Bringing her to church is great, but she’s not getting out of it what you might think. They might as well be speaking chinese. She has no back story. When you are rasied in faith it’s easy to assume everyone knows what you know. I had to be told. Everything. Do you really think she is grasping Jesus, and his sacrifice for us? She needs to know she belongs to Him. She was His good idea, he made her ,He knows her, He loves her. She needs to get that dignity.I think in her mind she is acting like she does because she was a throw away. In her heart this is probably how she feels so it doesn’t matter how she acts, because she doesn’t matter. Someone needs to convince her she is the daughter of the King. It doesn’t matter what her birth parents have done, this is how she got to you guys. You guys are how she’s going to get to Him. She is behaving like she has no worth, when she finds out she does, she will change”.