I just didn’t have the heart

21 Jan

It was time for my first penance. I examined my conscience. I undersood that Father Carey was just going to be sitting in for Jesus, and I would essentially be wispering into the ear of God. With all the same power He gave to the original apostles, my sins would be able to be forgiven. But I was just sick over it. Over all this time we’ve spent together, I could tell Father Carey had really grown to like me. Now I had to dredge up 23 years worth of sins.I didn’t want to tell him. I didn’t want to disappoint him. I didn’t understand how this worked. He wouldn’t have held a grudge.So there we were face to face.” Bless me Father for I have sinned, this is my first confession. I guess I’ll start with younger years and go from there? He nodded. Although I left out the worst of what I’d done, it still took awhile to go through it all. He absolved me from my sins , but I knew it wasn’t any good. I didn’t tell him the whole truth. I went straight out of there and drove toward work early. I stopped at Saint Andrews Catholic Church. A preist was in the office that I walked into.The secretary asked if she could help me, I told her I needed to see a preist. He heard me, and asked “how can I help you?” I sobbed, “could you please hear my confession?” He took me into the church and showed me the confessional, I stayed behind the screen. ” Bless me Father for I have sinned it has been two hours since my last confession, let me explain…I told him everything. Everything, I just didn’t have the heart to say before. I was exhausted, emotionally drained. He absolved me of my sins and gave me a penance, I walked out of there in a state of grace. The feeling was incredible.

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